Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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