Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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