three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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