I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize