he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize