Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
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And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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