you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
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i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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