you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize