Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize