I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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