i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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