Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
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She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
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got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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