I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize