she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
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My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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