Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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