she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
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That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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