he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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