Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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