My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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