just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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