too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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