there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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