Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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