he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
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You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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