____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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