I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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