Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize