you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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