We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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