I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize