wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
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I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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