What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize