screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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