It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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