I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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