the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize