Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
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he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
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I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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