There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize