Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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