were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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