Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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