if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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