Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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