I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize