he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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