alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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