I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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