Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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