i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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