ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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